Utah Stories

Falling Through the Cracks – Teens and Divorce

Looking beyond the symptoms of troubled teens

|


UT Divorce Illustration
Illustration by Jessica Hannan

Emily (her name has been changed) was a Utah high school Sophomore with a bright future. She had a 3.8 GPA, was active in sports and school clubs, and was well liked by both her teachers and peers.

“I was extroverted and happy,” she said.

But that would soon change.

Emily’s parents announced they were divorcing. But not just divorcing. It was an ugly dissolution where one side wars viciously against the other. And like most kids, Emily was stuck firmly in the middle.

Emily began to slip into depression. Her grades started to dip and by her junior year, her weight had dropped to 95 pounds. She quit the sports teams and the clubs, and she began to fail her classes.

“My attendance dropped immensely,” she said. “I spent the time I should have been at school sleeping or metaphorically running because of the paralyzing fear I felt, or literally running.”

Emily began over-exercising to control her mood and weight.

Her teachers didn’t seem to notice the drastic change in Emily’s behavior. The same teacher that had given her an A in her Sophomore math class failed her the following year.

She was assigned a hall monitor to make sure she attended class. The hall monitor asked her periodically if she was doing drugs and questioned her about her weight.

“Other than the hall monitor and attendance remediation classes, no one seemed to notice,” Emily said. “My parents were too blind in their divorce and hating each other to really notice either.”

Emily was quickly slipping through the cracks.

She took up drinking and marijuana.

One day, she got called to the school office and they asked to search her car.

“I said, ‘Sure.’ I had lost all sense of preserving myself at all. One of the girls I was with had left her pipe encased in a Louis Vuitton sunglasses case on the backseat floor.”

Emily was handcuffed and lead through the lunchroom full of her fellow high school classmates. The walk ostracized her further from her peers.

She returned her senior year weighing a startling 85 pounds.

“Two teachers approached me and asked if there was anything they could do for me,” Emily said. “But by that time, I was so afraid of the high school authorities and had already given up on myself so I couldn’t even hear what they were trying to say.”

Senior year, she started getting into harder drugs. Two of her friends overdosed and died, another is now in prison and others are in jails and rehabilitation centers. Halfway through the year, Emily attempted suicide and was sent to rehabilitation herself.

Now, five years later, Emily looks back from a place of sobriety and mental health and realizes that through all of that, she was only a child.

“I was an afraid little girl,” she said. “I made many, many mistakes and in many cases I probably got what I deserved. However, I never met the school psychologist but I did meet the police officer. I was asked if I used drugs, but never if I was depressed or if anything was going on at home.”

She now has questions for the police department and school:

Did it seem strange I went from an honor student to a failing student?

Did it seem weird that I quit all sports and clubs in a semester?

Did any of you notice I had lost so much weight?

Why did you make me walk in handcuffs in front of all of my peers?

Why did it always feel like you were against me instead of for me?

If you noticed any of these things, why didn’t you do anything about it?

Why didn’t you try to help me?

 

Join our newsletter.
Stay informed.


  • Artist Kate Kilpatrick Brings Utah’s History to Life Through Murals

    “I think we’re all interconnected; as individuals as well as societies,” Kilpatrick notes. Her work showcases those connections exuberantly, and whatever scale she’s working on, you can bet that in terms of energy and spirit, she’s painting large.


  • Why Most People Stay Stuck in Business and What It Takes to Move Forward

    Every so often, you meet an immigrant who came here with almost nothing and managed to build something exceptional.

    Prakash Shah is the kind of man who has spent enough time around risk that he no longer treats it like an interruption.

    Today, he works in business brokerage and advisory, helping owners sell companies, helping buyers decide whether they should step in, and, when the fit is right, helping connect those buyers with private equity. He works in a world of valuations, leverage, due diligence, and hard questions that most people would rather postpone. He also operates in Utah real estate and has built a career around seeing value before it is obvious to everyone else. That is who he is now. What makes him interesting is how early that instinct started to form, and how little his life resembles the way most Americans are raised to think about comfort, career, and security.

    He grew up in Nepal in a boarding school system that would feel severe to many Americans. He was an only child, yet he saw his parents only twice a year for twelve straight years, until high school graduation. He lived inside routine. He shared space with boys from different social classes and different family circumstances. The school was structured enough that money did not buy you any special standing once you were inside. Everyone followed the same rules. Everyone was subject to the same discipline. In his case, it was an army school. Everything was measured. Everything was scheduled. In that kind of environment, you do not build your life around preference. You build it around adaptation.

    That contrast matters.

    A lot of American children are raised to search for what fits them. What are you passionate about? What do you enjoy? What feels right? Those are not bad questions, but they can create a habit of waiting for life to align itself before action begins. Prakash learned something else much earlier. He learned that life often does not align itself first. You enter the room as it is, you deal with the people in it, and you figure out how to function without making your comfort the center of every decision. He said that one of the biggest lessons from those years was tolerance, the ability to live with people from all walks of life and genuinely learn to get along with them. That is not a soft value. In business, it turns into resilience. In negotiation, it turns into patience. In career terms, it turns into range.

    When he came to the United States over 25 years ago, he did not arrive with the kind of runway that allows for a prolonged identity search. He came with two suitcases and enough money for one semester. He went to Hunter College in New York City, then to NYIT near Central Park, studying media and then media and technology management. He also studied psychology. Those details matter because they show something about his mind. He was interested in people before he built a career around deals. Even then, what attracted him was not technical prestige. It was understanding motives, behavior, and how people reveal themselves.

    But New York is merciless toward vague ambition. It demands payment in rent, transit, food, and time.

    Prakash worked constantly. He took multiple jobs. He paid tuition, paid rent, and skipped most of what Americans imagine as college life. There were no romantic years of drifting from café to concert to self-discovery. He talked about not having the luxury of dates, travel, or finding himself. He was working. Even laundry was not a small detail. In New York, he pointed out, you do not just throw clothes in a machine at home. You haul them to the laundromat, count quarters, and measure what is necessary. He also described distraction in a way that most native-born Americans probably do not think about. For immigrants, distraction is not always pleasure. Sometimes distraction is the constant pressure of competing needs. Tuition or rent. Food or savings. A better coat or another month of making do. He was not romanticizing the struggle. He was describing the arithmetic of it.

    That arithmetic did not make him cautious. If anything, it did the opposite.

    While in college, he had the option of safer analytical work. Instead, he took a sales job with Time Warner Cable that sent him into the South Bronx from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. to knock on doors. He is not a physically imposing man. He knew exactly what kind of neighborhoods he was walking into. He described apartment buildings where people kept pit bulls, where tension was normal, where one mistake in tone or timing could end a conversation immediately. For most people, that kind of job would have been something to survive and forget. For him, it became a school in human behavior. “It’s not about talking… it’s about listening,” he said.

    One story from that period says almost everything about how he operates. He knocked on a door one night around 8:45 and found himself facing a huge man with a gun on the table, pit bulls nearby, and a half-eaten pizza in front of him. It had all the ingredients of a very bad scene.

    Continue reading and support independent Utah journalism with a purchase of Utah Stories (Digital + Print) or 3 month free trial (Digital).


  • Ancient Pyramid Discovered in Sugar House Park, Salt Lake City

    A Salt Lake City resident says he may have uncovered what he believes to be a buried structure beneath a well-known hill in Sugar House Park, raising questions that have drawn both curiosity and skepticism.


  • Utah Fits All Scholarship Applications Open Through April 30 for K–12 Students

    Utah families have more learning paths than ever and, increasingly, more ways to make those paths affordable. This spring, the Utah Fits All Scholarship opened  for new family applications on April 1, and the application window stays open for one month. The program is a public K–12 scholarship that provides $4,000 to $8,000 per student,…