Utah Stories’ Al Sachrov Experiments with Panhandling

I was curious. It seems that at every intersection and interstate ramp in Salt Lake there are panhandlers. Mention that to a person and the urban myths abound – “They make thirty dollars an hour.” “They drive their Cadillacs to the job.” Et cetera. Et cetera.

I wanted to know what this job entails. So I did it. One cold morning I stood on a corner and depended upon the kindness of strangers. Nervously, I held out my sign – a generic “Anything Can Help. God Bless.” Drivers instantly averted their eyes. My smiling or waving did not matter. The only person who noted my presence was a little girl in an SUV. She waved back to me. However, I did see a lot of questionable driving behavior, including finishing breakfast, reading reports, applying make-up and one dog attempting to drive.

Then the cold set to work. My feet and back started to ache. After an hour it became painful. I decided to change my strategy. I held up a second sign that read, “Amateur brain surgeon seeks work or donations.” I thought that if people chuckled they might be more inclined to contribute.

I did get chuckles… and one donation. A driver smiled, shook his head, rolled down his window and handed me four quarters and a penny. Whereas before I felt as if I were a telephone pole, now I had a job. Granted, I was making less than a third-world textile worker, but at least somebody recognized my existence. I didn’t know if this was a good thing or not.

The one dollar could not buy much, but it did allow me to experience a fleeting moment of dignity. I could at least hope my fortunes would improve. If I had not been recognized, I would have probably gone off to a more productive endeavor such as collecting cans.

After two hours, I brought my experiment to a close. I draw no conclusions as to the reason people panhandle. I only observe that it is a hard and painful way to make a buck and a penny.

Utah Stories will be making a donation of $51.01 to the Utah Food Bank. 

*Editor’s Note: This article is a work of satire and is intended for entertainment and commentary purposes only. While it may reference real places or echo real events, the characters and situations are fictionalized for humor and reflection. At Utah Stories, we believe that sometimes the absurd reveals more truth than the facts alone.