1 in 3 Women in Utah Experience Domestic Abuse: Lori Smithson Helps Victims Reclaim Their Lives

“The abuse didn’t look like what I thought abuse was,” Laurie Smithson explains. “I thought that happened to other people—people from the wrong side of the tracks. He had a good job, dressed well, and seemed so caring at first.” Could you be a victim of abuse without even knowing it? With 1 in 3…

Utah Stories

November 25, 2024

Domestic violence is an invisible epidemic, hidden behind locked doors and silenced voices. Lori Smithson knows this all too well. For years, she lived under the shadow of control and manipulation, not realizing she was a victim. But what sets Lori apart is what she did next: she turned her pain into a mission, founding Beauty from Ashes, a nonprofit that helps survivors break free, rebuild their lives, and find hope.

Her story isn’t just about survival—it’s about redemption and fighting back against the darkness. Lori’s courage, faith, and determination are now lighting the way for others.

Domestic Abuse in Utah: 1 in 3 Women Are Affected

Lori didn’t grow up in a household where abuse was normal. “I grew up with loving parents and a nurturing home,” she says. Her first marriage was healthy, but when her husband passed away, Lori stepped back into the dating world, hoping to find someone who could be a father figure to her daughter. What she found instead was a man who charmed her into a toxic relationship.

“The abuse didn’t look like what I thought abuse was,” Lori explains. “I thought that happened to other people—people from the wrong side of the tracks. He had a good job, dressed well, and seemed so caring at first.” But the charm quickly turned into control. “He picked out what I wore, tracked my movements with cameras and apps, and controlled every aspect of my life.”

Lori recalls a particularly chilling Christmas Eve. “My daughter and I locked ourselves in her bedroom because we were too scared to leave. She told me she was afraid to go to the bathroom,” Lori says. “That was my breaking point. I realized I couldn’t live like this anymore.”

How to Escape an Abusive Relationship in Utah

Leaving an abusive relationship isn’t as simple as walking out the door. Lori had to plan every step carefully. “I got a burner phone,” she says, laughing at how nerve-wracking it felt. “I was shaking in Walmart, trying to figure out how to buy it without being caught.” She couldn’t even tell her daughter. “If she showed any emotion on the cameras, it would have blown the whole plan.”

When the day came, Lori enlisted ten friends to help her pack and move out in just two and a half hours. “We disabled the cameras, covered the doorbell, and left,” she says. “I never went back.”

But leaving wasn’t easy emotionally. “As a Christian, I thought God hated divorce,” she admits. “It took me a long time to realize that God didn’t create me to be controlled and abused. I wasn’t made for that.”

How Faith and Scripture Can Be Weaponized

One of the most insidious aspects of Lori’s abuse was how her faith was weaponized against her. “He’d text me Bible verses about submission or tell me God hated divorce,” she says. “It made me feel like I was letting God down by wanting to leave.”

Lori now sees this for what it was: manipulation. “Submission in scripture is about willingness, not coercion,” she explains. “But when you’re in the middle of it, it’s hard to see that.” Her experience has made her passionate about educating churches. “Seventy percent of women who go to churches for help don’t get it,” she says, citing a study by Called to Peace Ministries. “In fact, it often makes things worse because abuse gets treated like a marriage problem. It’s not.”

Support for Domestic Abuse Survivors in Utah: Beauty from Ashes

After escaping, Lori felt a calling to help other survivors. She founded Beauty from Ashes, a nonprofit named after Isaiah 61:3, which speaks of finding beauty in destruction. “We focus on long-term recovery,” Lori says. “A lot of women don’t even realize they’re being abused. They just know something is wrong. We help them figure out what’s going on and what to do next.”

The organization doesn’t just serve victims—it also works with abusers to address the root causes of their behavior. “Breaking the cycle is the ultimate goal,” Lori says. “But it’s not about saving marriages. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is leave.”

One of the ways Beauty from Ashes helps is through partnerships with host families who provide safe places for survivors. “Battered women’s shelters are always full,” Lori explains. “We’ve vetted families who open their homes to women in need. It’s a lifeline for those who have nowhere else to go.”

How to Break the Cycle of Abuse

One of the biggest challenges survivors face is the hope that their abuser will change. Lori calls this “hopium.” “So many women love their abuser and want to believe they’ll get better,” she says. “But hope alone isn’t enough. Reconciliation is only possible if the abuser genuinely changes—and that’s rare.”

Lori’s experience has taught her that leaving is often the only option. “I had to learn that I wasn’t responsible for his actions,” she says. “What I was responsible for was protecting myself and my daughter.”

Teaching Utah’s Youth About Healthy Relationships

Lori believes that breaking the cycle of abuse starts with prevention. “We need to teach kids what healthy relationships look like,” she says. “Dating shouldn’t feel like walking on eggshells. We need to show young people how to spot red flags before they get trapped.”

Through Beauty from Ashes, Lori and her team are working to educate youth on communication, boundaries, and respect. “If we can reach them early, we can stop abuse before it starts.”

A Community Effort to Stop Domestic Violence

Lori knows firsthand how important a support network is. “You can’t do this alone,” she says. “I had friends who helped me escape, counselors who helped me heal, and faith leaders who reminded me of my worth.”

Through Beauty from Ashes, she’s creating that same network for others. The organization works with host families, church leaders, and counselors to provide survivors with the tools they need to rebuild their lives. “We’re all in this together,” Lori says. “Healing is messy, but it’s worth it.”

A Message of Hope for Utah Women

Lori’s story is one of resilience, redemption, and unshakable faith. From a Christmas Eve locked in fear to leading a nonprofit that’s transforming lives, she’s proof that there’s always hope. “God didn’t create us to live in fear,” Lori says. “He created us to thrive.”

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, visit beautyfromashesministries.org or call their hotline at 801-396-0089. Together, we can break the cycle of abuse and create a future where everyone has the chance to live with dignity and hope.

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